Happiness is not a warm scalpel
by tearysilver
Summary: A bride, is something she dreamed about becoming. So why is it shes so afraid to become his?  rated M for language,sexual content,and kidnap :O
1. Love at firstfaint!

hey guys! amarah here!:D this is my first story and i really really hope you guys like it!:D please read and review(:

L

Ryuzaki sat in his normal hunched position on his dark leather swivel chair. He couldn't help but notice the many pairs of black eyes that stared at his back, waiting for his response. He hugged his knees up higher, pressing them crushingly against his chest. His thumb crammed onto his bottom lip, charcoal panda eyes glued to the screen of his laptop. Everyone sat or stood motionless, afraid to breathe at the sight they were witnessing. Special agent Chiharu Tatsukotio was undercover as a prostitute in Tokyo, Japan, trying to catch a serial rapist. His targets were always Japanese prostitutes. L had identified the man as Koki Shamagaai. As expected, Koki walked right up to Ms. Tatsukotio, grabbing her arm, not bothering to stop in his stomping rampage. Chiharu swiftly pulled the gun out of the inner part of her black fishnet tights. "FREEZE! Koki Shamagaai, you are under arrest for the murders of Stephanie Chui, her sister, Rebecca Chui, Satsuma Lee, and four other unidentified women."

Also as L expected, he tried to run. Chiharu shot once, the small bullet landing right in the man's knee-cap. He collapsed onto the pavement, blood shooting and oozing out of his wound. He screamed at her in pain. Words like," you dumb bitch! I should have killed you! Not wasted anytime with walking, giving you chances!" She simply smirked at him and within seconds, police were handcuffing Mr. Shamagaai, putting him in the back of a squad car. She looked up at the street signs hidden cameras, smiling at Ryuzaki. He sensed something behind that beautiful grin. Sadness, maybe.

I sat there, slack jawed in disbelief. For a genius, L wasn't that observant. "WTF? L? She freakin likes you, dude!" angry, I shut down my computer from which I was watching the resent Death Note episode. I sighed heavily and looked at the time. 1:45 p.m. another Friday night wasted on an epic fail of my dear Ryuzaki. I got up from the chair and immediately felt the sharp pain and stiffness in my legs. I stretched until I heard a pop from everywhere and walked into my room. My sister was at a friend's house for the night, my parents at a birthday party for my uncle, who was turning 35. I was still here alone. As I finally reached my room, the sound of heavy knocking at the door made me jump. I walked quickly to the door, thinking it was my parents. I opened it to see to officers, their faces grave.

"Amarah?" the taller one asked, removing his navy blue hat. They were both of Asian descent, one Chinese the other maybe Japanese maybe Filipino. I nodded, afraid to speak afraid to breathe. My mind went numb as they told me my sister and my parents had been killed from a car accident. I choked on air, trying as hard as I could to stay calm. The shorter one said my sister was coming home because she didn't want to stay the night, for her and her friend had a fight. My parents went to pick her up but were both drunk and collided with another truck. The impact had killed them immediately. My mind went blank and I passed out.

I awoke in a grey room, twelve other beds surrounding me. They were all made but no one slept in them. I got up slowly, walking out of the room. The sounds of kids laughing and crying filled my ears. I seen dozens of girls and boys all playing games, painting, reading, or fighting. One little girl appeared before me, her eyes red and her cheeks blotchy. "What's wrong?" I asked. She rubbed her damp eyes and said a boy had taken her dolly. The girl looked about eight or nine, having big hazel eyes with deep bags under them. Her skin a light shade of alabaster, her hair a soft white blonde. "Well why did he take it?" I asked again. She pointed at a small Japanese boy who was throwing a straw girl doll against the grey wall as other kids laughed. "I said he didn't have a chance at being L's successor, so he took it." She began to cry again, chasing after him and finally with a sudden surprise, swiftly kicked him in the gut causing him to release her toy in distress. She hugged it motherly and stuck her tongue at the now crying boy. My mind went into spiral frenzy. I chased after the little girl until I caught her shoulder.

"L? Who's L?" I asked dizzily. She looked at me like I had lost my mind. "L! The great detective one of us will be replacing him when he dies. Well, if he dies that is." She got out of my hold and began once again to dance around the room with her doll. I walked back to the bed-filled room and lay down on my bed. That little girl was insane! L isn't real! He's a cartoon! I reached into my suitcase that lay next to me and pulled out the items the officers I guess packed for me in my unconscious state. I pulled out many clothes of mine and my "girl items." I also pulled out hair dyes I had been saving up, a few brushes, my makeup kit, and a picture of me and my family. A sudden water drop fell and splashed onto mine and my sisters' face. I wiped my eyes from the tears that wouldn't stop flowing. My fingers traced my family portrait and I began to sob. They were gone. Just like that they disappeared. The last thing I had said to anyone in my house was that I was sick of my sisters' freedom to do whatever she wanted and my parents constant fighting and drinking. I had yelled at my family before they died. I felt like shit.

I hid the picture between the two mattresses when I heard a sudden knock at the room door. I hid my face and wiped the tears away. "Yes?" I asked still looking down. "Watari's here. He wants to see you." A small boy's voice angrily said to me. I got up and followed the boy to the main room of the grey building. An old Asian man with white wispy hair and a mustache smiled down at me. My eyes grew very wide. He looked exactly like Watari. I took a small step back. "Hello, Amarahchan." He said. "Hi." I replied, still in shock. I wanted to ask if this was even possible, even real but I knew it was. The pain in my heart meant it was real. No one can feel pain in dreams. Well, not real pain. "I understand you are a young genius, is that correct?" I nodded, wondering what he meant. I was only slightly above the average kid, nothing real special. "I also here you are kind of famous in your hometown for your detective work, is that also correct?" I nodded again, afraid for some strange reason to speak. "What do you want?" I asked in a shaky whispered voice. He simply chuckled and replied, "I want you to work with L."

My heart stopped. The room filled with sudden gasps of confused angry shock. "But Watari, she's been here one night, not even a full day!" a girl about 12 cried. I knew how she felt, but I was bursting with sudden joy. L. the L. I was working with my television crush. "L has taken a sudden interest in her. He has asked me to bring her to him." I was star struck. He noticed _me?_ Of all people, _me? _'Stay focused Amarah! He isn't real!' I screamed in my mind. I breathed in deep. "So he wants to see me?" I asked, my voice getting stronger. Watari smiled. "Yes. He has asked for you personally." My heart continued to skip a beat. "Do I need anything?" I asked, looking back at the grey room I had just been crying in. "Yes, actually. I will have my men grab your belongings. You shall be staying at Wammy's house in England." It seemed that everyone's mouth had dropped with a unisioned thud. Watari led me outside to his stretch black limo. "He's in there. He would like to speak with you for awhile alone. Is that ok?" my eyes flickered slightly. "L?" I choked. Watari nodded. With a warm smile on his face, I walked up to the limo's door. Opening it slowly, I looked inside with a hope as big as the Atlantic Ocean. Sitting in his strange crouched position, sat my hero.

L.

I almost screamed in happiness. "Amarah, good to see you. My name is L, but I can safely guess you already knew that." I nodded a fearful look on my face. 'This isn't real. He can't be-'"Um, may I ask why you stare at me that way?" his voice dragging me out of my thoughts. I shook my head in surprise that he was still even here. "Yeah, dude, how are you here?" I asked, wanting to run in the limo and poke his face to be sure. "Well, I was born to two people who I have never met, but mostly because Watari drove me here." His same witty replies still fresh in my mind from the last episode of his show. "I meant, how are you real? You're a fictional animated character!" he stuck his thumb in his mouth, gently nibbling at the long nail that resigned there. "I see your point. Well, no one would really pay attention to us if we have a "fictional" show, now would they?" my head hurt. That made no sense, but all the sense in the world at the same time. I stood my ground. "Well, I think they'd pay even more attention, especially the girl fan-base of your little show. A lot of girls try to be like you, sir. They might not look smart, but they're obsessive so it wouldn't really matter. They'd find you eventually." His eye twitched slightly. I couldn't tell if it was from the realization of my drabbling, or from simple annoyance at the doubt of his theory. I heard the soft chuckle of Watari behind me. "Looks as if she's got you beat, son." He smiled. L reached over and patted my hand, his skin soft and warm.

I fainted.

I awoke in a small hotel looking room. The walls were completely gray, the floor tiles white. My feet were cold from the sudden shock of smooth marble. I shivered, looking back at the bed I was just laying safely in, deciphering if I should go back to my small safe haven. Finally choosing, I kept my walk forward. The door I opened led to a warm hotel hallway. The hall was slightly pinching, but warm and the carpet colorful. I looked down to see I had been wearing a long sleeve white tee shirt. It smelled of chocolate and pure cane sugar.

L.

I breathed in the scent, taking note of his sugary habits. I could only imagine how happy he made his dentist. A small but sudden giggle escaped my lips into the silent hallway at the sight of L getting a very large cavity filled, his arms flailing, his mouth in pain, but him anticipating the strawberry cake that would await him with his safe and mouth numb return. I let out a few loud laughs, not noticing the looming figure standing next to me. "Might I ask so boldly what it is you're giggling so productively at?" L's silky voice poured into my ears. I gasped, my hair quickly flipping behind me, whipping his face. His eyes closed a bit. A deep red line across his snow cheek, he raised his hand to it. I wanted to hide, but remained frozen in place. "Oh my, I'm so sorry! Please, forgive me." I stated, beginning to back away from him until I was fully ahead in the long hallway. "No, it was my fault, I shouldn't of scared you like that." I barely made out the last word as I ran as fast as I could down the hallway.

"Amarah, wait!" he called.

I made it to the end of the hall, when I finally made a turn and hid behind the wall. Tears coated my face, although most of them were of unknown feelings. I whipped him in the face. I felt so horrible! I began to jog down the hall, my heart beating faster than ever, when a small white haired boy with pale skin, white pajamas, and empty black eyes appeared in front of me. He held a small toy robot in his hands and began to make it fly in the air. I watched, realizing who this boy was. It was Near.


	2. Red,White,Blonde

Hahahaha chapter two!:D I finally found out how to work this thang! xD

Read and Review please and thank yhuuuuuuuuu!:D

Near.

I sat there, transfixed by all of his sudden moves. His wavy white locks, his milky perfect skin, his small,wiry frame and his wide blank charcoal gray eyes that stared longingly at the noisy multi-colored robot toy that began to squeal in child-like delight. Then as sudden as the noises started, they stopped. i heard a small click and my skin went cold as the albino stared heatedly at me."Might i ask why it is you ran away from Ryuzaki?" he seemed to whisper. So quietly, I had to lean in to hear him."I hit him on accident. I got nervous, so I ran." i lightly replied. the room felt hot, too hot for a long-sleeve tee. I thought about returning to the room to change, when I heard the words, "Near you idiot! where'd you put my snickeres bar at?" from down the hall. I looked down to him, to see his eyes grow a spark of annoyance and his silver locks shake in slight anger. "Near! I sai-" the voice cut off and suddenly i felt a hand on my hip. i spun quickly to face a very handsome tanned young man with long yellow hair and fierce dark eyes.

Mello.

"Well, hello gorgeous." he purred to me, placing on hand at the small of my back, the other racing roughly through my hair. the sensation both excited and scared me. Mello was a very violent spirit. But also very gentle and flirty. My kind of guy."Did Watari send me you for my birthday?" he smiled seductively, his left hand beginning to go up the back of my shirt, lightly toying with my bras latches. i tried to pull back, but his fingers dug tenderly into my sensitive skin. i called out abit in small tremors of pain when a whispered voice roughly said, "She is a friend of L's. Do NOT disturb her with your played out pick-up lines!" i smiled at Near,thinking about how at the best of times, he could be a life-saver. Mello let go, my skin beginning to smart from the absence of his sore touch."No one asked you to butt-in conceded little baby!" mello practically spat on the boys pale white pajamas. I felt bad. Near tries to do the right thing, but is down-sized for again it IS Mello here."I'll see you later, somewhere more,intimate." He says the last word so close to my face i can smell the hersheys bar hes just devoured. It sickens me, how sweet his breath is. His lips stretch abit,like hes going to kiss me,but pull away and hes walking down the hallway. As soon as hes gone, I gag from the chocolaty smell still in my nostrils."God, he really eats THAT much chocolate?" i say between coughs and gags."Try living in the same room as him! im just grateful him and matt room together now." the albinos voice gets stronger, but still keeps its softness intact. I had forgotten about Matt. The room grew even warmer,to where I wanted to take my shirt off right infront of near and not even care. "Is it hot in here to you?" i ask, flapping the collar of the long-sleeve, letting some cool air onto my now moist chest. "Im not sure what your referring to,the hall feels quite cool." i scoffed."Yeah, to satan,maybe." i looked down to see Near actually smile. I let my own smile grow and began down the hall. "Ill be in my room,if you need me,Near." i called back,raising my hand in goodbyes. "Goodbye!" he roughly replied,and the sounds of the toy robot began to play once more.i made a few turns to finally see my cold room awaiting me. i reached for the knob when suddenly im in a jumbled mess on the floor, lying next to a red head whos deep green eyes are hidden behind yellow lensed goggles.

Matt.

A small silver Nintendo D.S. laying next to my hand, I picked it up carefully and handed it to him,apologizing genuinly."No it was my fault, I should have watched-" he looked at me, one of the lenses in his goggles green eye stared at me,sending tremors down my hot stayed that way, just watching each other until the D.S shouted,"Level up!" i blinked and looked down, Matt grabbing the device and both of us standing up, an awkward moment beginning to form in the air. "I uhh- well, ummm- Im amarah." i jumbled, sticking out my hand. he took it lightly,removing his broken goggles with the other hand."Matt." he replied, a blush on his cheeks. I looked to the carpet to see the lense laying next to my black converse.I grabbed it,and was prepared to give it back,when we were only inches from Mello, Matts breath smelled of mint and kindness. I smiled abit,the lense slipping from my hand to his.I got a strange feeling, a feeling of sexiness and power. Girl power, like listening to a ke$ha song while drving around on a friday night. I backed away from Matt, my eyes slitting seductively."See ya later,Matt." i said his name slowly,like a secret." his eyes widened,and i closed my door. As soon as i closed the door, my mouth opened in that 'oh my gosh did I really just do that?' shape. i held in my laughs and giggles of pure exciement and began to unpack my suitcase that lay next to my bed. As i separated the clothes from the bathroom essentials, i noticed my hair dyes, my new outfits i had bought before all of this,and my new found attitude. I gave a small evil smile and grabbed a hairdye, an outfit, and a certain 'look on life' and headed for the bathroom.


	3. Scissors are a girls best friend!

Chapta 3!:D what is going on? why is she changing? when is BB coming in? will she hook with matt or mello first? read to find out!(;

I stared at myself in the mirror, thinking how difficult this was going to be. I grabbed the box of dye and carefully ripped it open. grabbing the directions and gloves,i slipped the plastic on my fingers and spread the paper across the toilet the bottles, i ripped the paper of the conents and poured the powder into the clear strong smelling liquid,shaking roughly for a good minute. "Oh god!" i screamed as the now puffy liquid squirted onto the wall,slowly gliding down. i laughed and began the process. the bleach stung my scalp as i applied it. i winced but soon the pain ceased and i was done. i walked around the room as i waited for the bleach to lighten up my dark hair. I thought about walking around the halls,but that would ensure embarrassment from both of my two male friends, not to mention awkward stares from my leader and my new albino companion. the clock ticked about a good hour away and i washed out the chemicals from my hair. i shook my hair of the water and looked into the mirror. my mouth fell into shock as i see my hair a bright white. it looked like Nears but wet and longer. i grabbed the bottle of colouring and began to shake it well. the slimy contents dripping onto my slick gloves,dropping some onto my bare feet. i wiped them away before they could stain and began to place the coloring into it again, i began to walk around the room until another hour,and i found myself once again, under the shower faucet washing away harsh hair chems. I gave a small glance in the mirror and smiled wickedly. my hair looked like flames. not fire,but the flames! it was deep red at the top, slowly fading to a slight orange at the roots. I blow dryed it and curled it well,fluffing some parts. i slipped into my black sequin dress that hugged my curves nicely. i placed my new black and white heels into my feet and slid on some black eyeshadow and red lipstick. i smudged some deep red nail polish onto my nails and opened my door.

The hallway was dark and creepy looking,the hinted glow, like candles glinted my nails and some shiny parts in my hair a soft yellowish hue. I decended down the hallway, several doors open, but most closed. I walked slowly until i heard a group of diminoes hit hollowly onto the wooden floor. I walked back, and seen Near stacking a black domino into a white one, oblivious to anything but his game. i sat there thinking about the game, wondering how any human being could be so focused on something so strange. "It helps me,be who I am. Remind me who I am." the soft voice filled my ears. i snapped my head up, blinking as if i had been asleep. "Wh-what?" i asked, walking closer, the sound of my heels against the wood making me feel bad. Near was so quiet and i was disturbing his peaceful area by clanking my high heels. I slowly slipped them off and placed them by the door. "This game. My focus. Every game i win reminds me why I am the way I am. A game- Any game, requires a clear head, a plan, and expirience. By completing all of those, I remind myself that this is why im here. Because i never lose." My mind jumbled into a mushy mess. He was deep. I smiled and began to walk out the door, when he grabbed my hand. "You need to talk to L. Theres something you need to know. You might be in dang-" he stopped when a certain blonde haired boy was standing in the door frame. "I believe youre MY date for the night." he smiled seducingly at me,then sneered at Near who simply went back to his game. Mello grabbed my hand and began to tug me out the door,but i continued to look at Near, expecting him to finish his sentance, but instead he looked down and continued all of his focus onto the domino stacking. I closed the door after us.

We basically ran down the hallway and I thanked god i had taken off my heels. We reached mellos room when he turned to me and said,"Matt went to stay the night at his friend jacobs house for game be all alone,my dear." I thought back to Matt and remembered something weird. instead of seeing the yellow goggled,green-eyed red head, i seen an L replica except covered in blood. i shuddered and mello pressed his lips against mine. instead of gagging from the intense chocolate kiss,i pressed my lips harder,requesting more. he slid his tongue across my lips,requesting access.i parted my lips abit and his chocolate tongue went full hand went for the zipper at the back of my dress but i stopped him."We should take this inside,shouldnt we?" i breathed happily. he nodded in agreement and opened the door as soon as the wooden chamber closed, he pounced onto me. we layed on the cold wodden floor, his hand everywhere but his sides. his tongue tracing my collarbone. i moaned,his hands slowly unzipping my dress,tugging it off until it lay in a heap a few feet away. i flipped him over,laying my now cold body ontop his warm one, snuggling close while pulling off his shirt. His chest was tanned and well taken care of,his abs toned and flexed. i laughed as he tried to tug off his jeans but instead grabbed my foot and pulled down."Sorry!" he laughed as i pulled myself back up to eye level.i sat up and puled down my panties and his boxers. the sudden feeling of his inside me made me flinch. the emotions of the televisions, 'your only fifteen! hes seventeen!' appeared in my head. but was quickly dissolved when he began to buck his hips slowly up and down. i bit my lip, closing my eyes and clenching my fist against his stomache. i began to heat up down there, my areas twitching in excitement.i moaned louder, and he began to rock faster. with each louder moan, he would buck faster and faster."moan as loud as you want,the rooms soundproof,baby." he screamed to me in pleasure. i was so close to my high, i felt thirty feet off the ground. i shrieked like a classic horror girl,replacing the crazy psychopath weilding a chainsaw with a hot blonde that was VERY well panted slower as the high faded back down the the ground. we panted loudly, falling against his chest. he wiggled abit,making me up for another round until i realized he was pulling out. the sudden empty cold feeling washed over me,along with the 'dirty' feeling but that soon passed. "whoa." was all i was able to say at the moment. i felt him smile against my chest and felt his eyelashes flutter and close. i looked down to see he was fast asleep. i giggled and got up, pulling up my underwear and grabbing my dress,slipping it back on. i crept slowly out of the room and silently ran down the hallway. i looked back for a split second and crashed loudly into someone. i sat up and seen a flash of black and bright white.

L. Crap.


	4. Stranger in the halls

Chapter 4!:D shes caught by L! :O will he know what just happened? will near? read and review(:

The dark haired genius helped me up from my face plant on the carpet. I looked down, feeling that nudge of sudden shame.'_no! You are a new girl! You will go with your new attitude!'_ i screamed at myself,lifting my head up and shaking off the guilt. His normal white long-sleeve tee shirt and baggy faded jeans were rumpled from our painful embrace. Instead of straightening his clothes and crazy hair, he simply shook abit and his clothes fell into place."Amarah, ive been looking for you for awhile now. Im starting to think youre here for the other boys instead of the mission at hand." his tone, accusing, made me angry. My head throbbed and my mind felt full and empty. My face got hot, but i calmy breathed out,"Im not here for the become aquainted with them,but im here for the mission." he stuck his thumb nail into his mouth and his panda eyes pierced through my hazel ones."Aquainted? is that what theyre calling what you and mello did now adays?" my jaw slacked open,and my face felt steamed. I clenched my fists and noticed a woman walk out of L's private quarters, her skirt abit high. too high. her light pink lipstick smudged. she looked at me,then L and blushed and walked quickly away,thinking i might be his girlfriend or something_._"I could say the same about her,as well." signaling to the girl who now struggled to get to the end of the hallway fast enough without being detected. His once wide eyes seemed to pop out of his dark-ringed eye sockets. I looked at his lips,shaded a faint pink,same as the collar of his shirt. I laughed lightly, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Dont wory 'bout it genius, we all need some fun once in awhile. Even you." he seemed to relax abit, but remained horribly tense. we began to walk to his office when I chimed,"I think I just beat you at your own game, detective." he seemed to force a small smile in defeat as we descended into our case.

It was about three o'clock when I walked out of L's office. We studied locations and possible suspects on the killings of the three girls and seen they were getting closer and closer to england. I noticed something odd about my stay here at wammys. There were no other youths besides the boys and L. "Where are we in england, Ryuzaki?" i asked, looking through my hair at him. i caught a large glimpse of my hair and frowned. next color was gunna be dark for sure. "Wammys." he replied bluntly, eating a piece of strawberry creme cake. "No we arent. Wmmys house is for gifted children. Alot of gifted children." he set his fork down and looked at me, his eyes holding an emotion that was unreadable. "We are indeed at wammys-" i held up a finger in protest but he caught my eye,making me put my hand back down. "But we are in the lower levels of the house, for the extremely gifted. "But im only abit above average of my mental system. Atleast what im told from my doctors." i looked at him in focused confusion, trying to decifer what this meant. "Youre highly above average, Amarah. We had some tests done, before all of this and it was higher than anyones ive ever seen. Higher than my own, actually." i wanted to yell,'what?' but i held it in long enough for an explenation.i was higher than L? i had never really seen myself this way, i was actually a D student until i had aced a game show my school was hosting and caught the attention of professional doctors for my I.Q. range. they never told me, only that i was abit above average. i never really felt special to that news, only that i was really smart, but really lazy. i blinked a few times,my eyelids feeling heavy. i yawned and checked the computers clock. 2:50 A.M. god. "Well, im going to bed." i stretched and headed for the door. grabbing the edge, i looked at the large computer screen behind L. the pictures of the brutally bloodied girls was disgusting. i let out a ragged breath and headed back for my own room, looking up at the cealing thinking of the hundreds of kids i knew about, but didnt know me.

I sunk into bed, the comforters rocking me to a safe and warm sleep, when i heard a sudden rap on my door. I thought it was L, wanting to ask me a retarded question but the knock got louder, forceful. i gasped slightly, sitting up and pulling the black blankets to my chest. i wanted to just stay there, but something made me get up and slowly creep towards the door. each step, normally quiet was now loud and menacing. my heart beat louder and louder as i made my way towards the closed door. another loud bang made me jump back a few steps. a sudden rush of adrenaline made me grab the glass knob of the door. i pressed my ear against the smooth cold wood. i heard nothing but my breathing which suddenly came to a stop when my ears filled with, "Amarah..." my skin went cold as i swung the door open to see only the swirling darkness of the small hallway.

Who was that? BB? Mello? Near? Matt? L? read and review then go to the next chapter to see what happens next(:


	5. the realization

Chapter 5!:D Whos annie? sorry some of the chapters are super short, when i write them, they seem longer xD

"Amarah! Amarah, wake up!" a soft voice said, small cold hands pushing my arm back and forth. my head snapped up from its position on the deep red pillow, my eyes foggy. "five more minutes,mom!" i whined. my eyes widened, suddenly cleared and my chest began to ache. tears flowed from my eyes at that word. mom. i began to softly sob, Near beginning to back away from me to the door."Mello and Matt request your presence." then he calmly but quickly leaped out the door. My sobs seemed to grow louder as i pulled the family picture from under my pillow. my parents seemed happy, ania and i pulling eachothers hair, but huge Colgate smiles on our tanned faces."Would you call me weird if i said i thought i was gunna fall through the cracks between the tiles?" i whispered to anias face, remembering our strange late night conversations. i could practically hear her reply,_"no, i think that way all the time. people say im weird for that."_ i could see us smiling then me jumping onto the computer as she watched television. i placed the picture back under the velvet case and slowly got out of bed. my reflection was better than anticipated, my hair rumpled and my eyes bagged but otherwise okay. i quickly brushed the flames and washed my face, changing from my black dress to a grey,morbid wednesday addams type dress. i slipped on black fishnets and combat boots and headed out the door. i rubbed my arms when suddenly im face to face with matt. "Hi matt." i said to him as he played something on an old looking GameBoy advanced. his fingers flying, his eyes widening with every electronic kick and punch."HI MATT!" i yelled, waving my hand infront of his face. Still engroced with his game, i sighed heavily, stomped up to him and placed my lips on his. i heard a thud and parted with a light smack, looking to see he dropped his game next to my shoes. his face paled, his lips a slight red. his red hair seemed to shiver. "Hi Matt." i said coyishly, walking down the hall. My heart raced, and as soon as i was out of sight, i leaned against the wall, my head light, my stomache holding a million butterflies.i bit my lip,smiling but soon frowned when i stumbled down the hall to see a blonde haired handsome digging into a hersheys bar. i tried to real away, but unfortunately, he saw me. "Amarah! Babe, wait!" he called, stuffing the chocolate into his mouth and racing towards me. "Damn." i muttered under my breath, clenching my fists lightly and stomping my foot as quietly as possible. The stench of chocolate poisoned the air as he leaned in and kissed me. "You taste like ciggs. you smoke?" he asked warily. oh god,matt! hes a smoker, dammit! "yeah," i lied "just had one, sorry." i shrugged sheepishly as he smiled, relief washing over him. "You taste like chocolate." i teased, kissing him again. his arms wrapped around my waist tightly. Suddenly, i caught a glimpse of white to see Near sitting at my feet."Hi Near." i said, twirling a piece of his snow hair with my index finger. the sudden sting on my hand made me yelp in painful suprise. my insides felt cold as i seen my hand grow red. i looked at Near, who seemed just as suprised as me. I looked up at mello, his face in stone anger. "Stop." he mouthed angrily at me. i gave him a stupified look and tried to pull away from him, but was bound tight to my lover. "Im going to check on L." Near said blankly and moved down the hall. as soon as he was out of earshot, a painful blow to my face sent me soaring to the ground.

I clutched my puffing eye, tears streaming down my face. "What the fuck?" i screamed at him, hitting his leg with a weak fist. "Dont touch him! just dont! he doesnt deserve any affection,the little brat! and you wont give him that satisfaction!" he screamed at me. he grabbed my arms, twisting painfully. i shrieked as i felt my skin burn intensly. "Stop! please,stop it!" i begged, strands of fire falling infront of my eyes. another punch to the jaw made a rush of blood shoot out of my mouth and onto my hand. "Please...stop..." i breathed raggedly,slurred. he walked away, but before, lifting my head up and planting a kiss on my now swollen lips."Love you." he sneered and forced my head back down to the carpet. i waited till his footsteps were no longer loud till i stood up shakily. using the wall to hold me up, i dragged myself back to my room. i lay on the bed for awhile, letting the pain in my face,arm, and sides come to a hollow throb before going to see the damage in the bathroom. my left eye was black, the right side of my mouth deep blue. my arm held four branded fingers tainted brown and red. my sides, two thick lines where his arms squeezed me in place. i poked my mouth bruise lightly, the pain rushing to my eyes, causing them to water. i heaved, feeling sick to my stomache but nothing came out. my hair hung over the sink as the reality sank in. He hit me. he abused me,then made up for it with a kiss. He really WAS sick. I walked slowly back to my bed, laying carefully, not wanting to fall on my arm and curled slowly into a ball, my sides shooting pain up to my chest. i sobbed out loyd, the pain too much to bear. I didnt want this, didnt need this. i read about his abuse on fan fiction, but never really thought he was capable of such horrors. i tried rolling nto my back, but the mere thought of it made my body ache terribly, so i stayed still in place. i lyed there, until pain rendeared me unconcious.


	6. Frozen Fears

Chapter sixx! ill give yhu a sneak peak!.(: more late night door bangings, a bloody embrace, a deadly bathroom game, and a suprise at the end(: stay tuned(:

I awoke with the feel of something cold being layed on my forhead. my eyelids fluttered to see a red head with a fresh lit ciggarette dangling from his pale lips. a new pair of yellow goggles hung from his neck, casting a weird shade of green from his red and white striped long sleeve. i looked around slowly to see his normal tanned vest hanging over a black chair in the corner of the room. i coughed abit, my mouth bruise throbbing dully."M-Matt?" i asked, sitting up slightly. as if realizing i was even in the room, his eyes widened and he flicked his wrist abit, pulling his cigg down to his side between to thin pale fingers."Sorry! i dont know if you minded smoking but you were knocked out so i figured you wouldnt care." he jumbled his words abit and reached to put it out in a bright green ashtray next to my bed, but i lightly touched his wrist and he stopped."No need." i smiled, my eye shooting a pain to my forehead. i seethed abit, gripping the sheets and squeezing my eyes shut, causing more pain. i yeled out, his eyes becoming angry, so i held it in, preparing for a hit to the stomache or the face, but nothing came. Instead, he grabbed to white pills from my dresser and plunked them in my hands, along with a glass of cool water. the sun shone on the clear liquid and i smiled as it danced off the glass and onto his green eyes, making them bright and sparkly. i giggled abit and swallowed the medicine and water, my head and injuries hurting alot less. Tylenol, i should have guessed. i sat up, removing the itchy washcloth from my warmed head. we didnt move, just enjoyed the warm silence that vibrated between us. I realized i must have looked a mess because i shot up from the ed and into the bathroom. "Are you okay?" he asked from behind the door. i quickly straightened up my hair and wiped the smudged liner from underneath my eye, the other one to black to even see the makeup,fixed my clothes out and opened the door to see a look of fear and reassurance on his face."You dont have to try to look good for me,you know." he said, turning away from me. this made my heart sink abit lower and chip, my eyes bcoming sadder, my mouth bruise hurting bit more. "Because you always look perfect to me." he turned his head and flashed perfectly white teeth that shone even more from the glinted window."So, you up for something today?" his voice dripped with a hint of hope, and i shook my head yes in response. before he could leave, i grabbed his arm and gave him a look of desparation. "Please, get to me before mello does. Please." his green eyes flared, but became calm again. "Of course. just try to stay in your room. im sending Near over to make sure mello doesnt try to see you." i thought that bad, mello constantly picking on Near, but my thoughts were quickly dragged away when he said, "Mello doesnt respect Near, but Near can outsmart him, making him confused enough to leave in a huff WITHOUT you." i smiled and kissed his cheek, thanking him for taking care of me. "Any time." he whispered and closed my door with a quiet thud.

I stepped into the white shower, my now black finger and toe nails a brilliant contradiction. i ran a hand through my hot wet hair when i heard my bedroom door open and slam close. without thinking, i rushed out of the shower and locked the bathroom door, the brass knob now dripping with hot water. the steamy room soon became over steamed, my lungs only breathing my own carbon dyoxide. i switched the water from warm to cold, letting the steam fade away to let in cool air. The sudden sound of a long scratch on the bathroom door made me twitch, banging my hip on the edge of the marble sink top. i hollard abit in pain, my wet skin making the hurt, hurt worse.i looked at the bottom of the door, when the glint of silver caught my eyes. A knife. It shot through the crack in the door and pulled out just as fast. my mind raced, thinking it was mello. the knife stopped, and i heard the door open and close. breathing a small sigh of relief, i grabbed the knob. But before i could unlock the lock, i pulled my hand away. _hes not gone. _i let go of the handle and crouched onto my belly and looked through the small space. seing nothing, i figured he was the sudden pain in my face and the small of rust and salt made me scream in suprise and agony. i grabbed my cheek to see a respectable amount of blood. he cut me! the knife lay there, motionless and i grabbed it and pulled it against my chest.i switched my head, my cut cheek digging into the floor, puddling blood as i looked out the door with the other eyes swept across the floor until i caught a glimpse of something under my bed. i squinted, to see a large red eye starring viciously at me. my eyes widened and my mouth opened for a scream. he pulled his hand to his face and licked some of my blood off the tips of his fingers. the beast smiled gruesomely at me, and my mind went blank. his face...L? then i did the only thing i could think of doing. i screamed at the top of my lungs.

I heard someone bang on the bathroom door as i lay there screaming as loud as humanly possible. water ran from my hair, down my face, and into the blood puddle i lay my face ontop of. i heard someone scream my name, but i continued to shriek at an inhumanly high pitch. i could feel my throat becoming raw and strained but i continued my panicked noises."Amarah! open the door! Amarah! OPEN THE DOOR!" i heard someone scream from the other side, practicaly hurling themselves against the wood. i scrambled up and with unsteady hands unlocked the door. Near stood there with L and Watari, all of them huffing loudly, ready to hit anything that was in the room with me. "What happened?" Near shouted now, his normal gentle voice now thundering. i tried to explain my issue, but all that came out were illiterate babbles and sobs. L grabbed a washcloth and tried to wipe my bloody cheek, but the sight of his face and hands sent me into another screaming frenzy. i backed away violently, falling onto the floor and screaming sobs of wet, bloody tears. "Ryuzaki, get me a doctor!" Watari shouted over my screams and L zoomed out of the door. Near walked slowly over to me, his hands spread open infront of him, a signal for, 'im not going to hurt you.' i breathed loudly through my mouth as he grabbed the rag and began to slowly wash away the blood that began to dry over the shower water. he helped me stand up on shakey legs, my towel wrapped tightly around me. "Dont let him get me," i whispered into his shoulders, staining red into his white pajamas. "Dont let him get me." he half dragged me down the hall before whispering back, "Who?" i looked at him with blank eyes and said,

"The Boogyman."


	7. Best friends?

Chapter sevenn(: once again, i apologize for such short chapters, i rush through them all, i wanna take my time from now on, but i might not so bear with me(: and what about that last chapter? freaky ending right? she thinks its the boogyman, or L! haha silly amarah(: xD

I sat in a hospital looking room, starring blanky at a wall as the doctor stuck a needle into my arm, giving me a tetanus shot. they bandaged my face, and gave me pain ointment for my bruises. its supposed to numb everything but the brand on my arm. "What in gods name did that to you, miss?" the doctor asked, his accent not english but a thick deep russian. i continued to stare at the wall, the indents from the build interesting me. i counted each nail hole i seen and kept track of all of them as i counted. _one,two,three,four,five... _"Shes not speaking." Nears voice once again as fragile as glass whispered to the doctor. "And i dont blame her." Watari said, looking at me with worry. The doctor sighed as he wrapped my arm and sides, after rubbing the bruises with ointment first. the sound if rushing footsteps filled the room, and soon Matt and Mello both stood there, panting and rushing to my sides. I could tell i wasnt the only one who smelled chocolate, grimacing looks on everyones faces exept mine and Mello's, who was now boaring into a Reeses' peanut butter cup.i stared down at my hand, which held a large bruise from when Mello slapped it. I lifted it lazily to the doctors eyes and he rubbed the minty smelling gel onto my skin and bound a pale white wrap onto my hand. my heart thumped hollowly, like the beat of a hollywood undead bass speaker. the song 'The Loss' played through my head as Matt and Mello fought over my own safety. "She needs to stay in my room!" Mello said, shoving the chocolate wrapper into his grey skinny jeans. Matt was far from okay with that. "No. shes staying in mine!" he argued back. _six,seven,eight,nine,ten,eleven..._ "No," Near said, the boys fighting stopping,now just horrible glares."Shes staying with me." both of there mouths opened for protest, but before words could escape, i jumped silently from the plastic bed and grabbed Near's hand, walking out the door silently.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?" Near asked, most of his focus on the rubics cube in his hands. he twisted and turned and in a matter of minutes, the colors all alligned and he sat the toy down with small empty triumph. My blank look had ceased abit after the visit from Matt, who had brought me a red rose with a black bow tied gently around the deep green from nothing at all, my face held something else. Pain. I nodded and sat on his bed, next to him. "I was...i was taking a shower,and heard the door slam open and shut. i locked the bathroom door, and turned the water o-on cool. th-then i heard th-the sliding on the do-door and hit my side on the counter. i-i seen the knife under the door, and i guess he fake left the room. whe-when i tried to look under the door..." i pointed to my bandaged cheek, which held red gauze from the blood flow. he nodded in understandment and edged me to keep going. i breathed and retraced my last words."well, he let go of the knife and i grabbed it. i looked around for him,and fi-finally looking under the bed..." i began to sob softly, near taking me into his arms for a sudden embrace of warmth. not warmth from a teased lover, but from a friend. someone who i can finally go to for compassion. compassion that was taken from me almost two weeks ago. he pulled back and hung his white covers over my shoulders. "He had big red eyes with dark bags under them, like a pandas, pale skin, and blood all over his white shirt. he licked my blood off his blood..." my voice dissapeared within itself and Near layed me down onto his bed. "No more. rest." he said calmly. i sat up, despite the fact i desperately wanted to sleep. I looked out the window, to see the sunset. the hues of red,yellow,orange,purple,blue and black was layer after layer of beauty. the moon was full and bright, beams of it catching my hair, causing the color to explode on my head. i gave a broken smile and layed back down,snuggling deep into the soft deep bed, my eyes drooping heavily. i fought it, but the moon called to me, as did dreams of happiness and promises of sweet nothings. But something made me stay awake. something ive probably been wondering since i began to watch Death Note, and since ive been here. "Near?" i called as he made his way to the other side of the bed to lay down. he stretched next to me and looked in my eyes. "Yes?" i struggled, wondering if it was painful topic or not. "Where is _your _family?" I raced my hand across the cool sheets, searching for his hand to hold, but soon realized his hand was behind his eyes sparkled a lighter shade of gray, but soon returned to their dull shade. "They're gone." he said bluntly. "Gone?" i repeated stupidly. this was the point where id kick and scream and whine for a better answer than that, but Near continued. "Yes. They died when I was six. I went to live with my grandmother, and she sent me to the special school because of my I.Q. soon, Watari found me and placed me here." i frowned, sad that his parents died, not being able to see their son become the genius he is today. "How'd your parents die? and hows your grandmother?" he breathed out a sigh or either relief or pain and continued, "Car accident. Hit another car when coming back from their anniversary dinner. and my grandmother is fine. Watari sends for her a few times a year, like on my birthday or holidays. i miss her greatly." i smiled abit, seeing Near hug a woman probably alot bigger than him, and getting lost in the love he so rarely sees around here besides from watari and myself. I had never seen Matt or especially Mello say anything nice to Near, so much as a "hi." or "whats new?" was ever given to the small albino, and my heart broke from that realization. Ive never even seen a hug given to him, besides my daydream i just had. I thought about mine and his situation and smiled when four words popped into my mind. My eyes drooped closed and just before my mind went empty with sleep, i whispered to Near, "Your my best friend." and let the moon beams send me dreams of love and happiness.


	8. Striped

(Chapter 8(: im writing like three or four chapters every nightxD i feel so dedicated! xD hahah well read and review and tell me in the review, should it be amarah and Near? or amarah and matt? or will it end up being amarah and BB? xD hahah thatd be interesting! :O oh, and sorry if words are misspelled in my chapters xD i read back on them and seen kind of alot! i wanna fix it but im extremely lazy xD hahah anywho back to the story at hand! xD)

I awoke,expecting to feel the sun on my face, but instead the moon in my eyes. I rubbed them, rolling on my side to recieve a dull throb of pain from deep within the bandage. i shook it off and reached for Near, who wasnt there. i sat up, looking for my friend when suddenly, the room goes up, then down. my mouth slacks open and i look out the window to see the moon in the same place, but the landscape infront of my eyes whizzing past! we were moving! i hopped out of bed and unhooked the latch of the window,cold air blasting my face, whipping my hair sharply behind my back. i stretched my neck to see i was in a moving van. i squinted to see the rearview mirror up front to see a pale face with panda eyes shaded a deep red. I let out a small shriek and covered my mouth with my hands, crushing my lips with full force. he looked back at me through the mirror and smiled a genuine yet insane smile and focused back on the road. "Oh my god,oh my god!" i whispered, closing the window and rolling to the floor. my face felt super hot in the warm room, so hot i began to pinch my face hoping it will drain blood in some places so they can cool. who is this? why me? did i do somethig to him? my mind raced back to all my memories before i woke up, seeing if something happened that caused me to wake from my sleep, just a hint to see if i remember getting kidnapped. then it hit me. my dream. i dreamed that the man under the bed had taken me from Nears bed late in the night and placed me here. i thought it was a dream. i guess i was on the binge of fantasy and reality when it happened. i felt like i was in the middle of a bad scene from 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' and the man driving me to my fate was Dr. Frankenfurter. i paced around the room, my head aching up a horrible storm. realizing the horrible things he might do to me, tears began to glob down my cheeks, stinging the cut just above my eye. i unwrapped the gauze from my arm, hand and sides and ripped the bandage from my cheek, tying all the gauze together. i peeked out the window to see we werent far from the next town, maybe a mile or less, the twinkling lights from the houses and stores making it seem as if the city was on fire. i had to act fast if this was gunna work. i went to the back of the van, ripping off the fake wall paper to see the large double doors, the lock at the bottom. not even a padlock! he must have been really confident that i wasnt gunna know. i smirked and slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible, unhooked the lock, the doors swinging open. i held them, tying each end of the strong bandages to each door handle, making a sling. i looked down at the street, we werent going fast enough to leave me dead, just a scratch or two. i hopped onto the sling, trying not to slip and fall onto the gravel. i hopped down onto the street, and with a forcful but silent thrust, the doors closed. i rolled on the rocky pavement, sharp rocks digging only in my bruises i hollard out in pain, lifting myself up and limping quickly to the lights. i heard a sudden screetch and turned around to see the van etch off the road and crash into the grassy plaine. it rolled violently, until coming to a mettalic stop, small flames licking the air from the front windows. it exploded, the orangy red fire bursting with excitement. the heat hit me first, making me feel as if i myself was the one on fire. i turned away, screaming from the heat, when i seen a large white building, resembling my churches gym/youth worship center. i thought about hiding there, but the town was safer. Then i seen him.

The boogyman.

His eyes resembled the flames, but blood red with tiny orange sparks dancing wildly inside them. he seemed not to see me, so i ducked in the tall grass next to mind slowed as i seen him walk closer and closer to me. my hands once again pressed to my mouth to stifle my breathing. more tears ran down and i ignored the seering pain in my face. i crouched lower and lower with every step hed take. the tall stems tickling my skin, making me lose my balance. i quickly caught myself and crouched lower. the ground smelled of earth and mud, the floor wet and slippery.a root poking out of the ground lay next to me, and once again losing my balance, i slipped and my branded arm landed smack on the rough edge of the dirty white root. my eyes widened and i could feel my pupils smallen to the size of a period on a paper. i screamed, no shrieked in seething,burning,stinging, agonizing pain.i hopped up, my head thrashing back and letting out a sound id never thought humanly possible. it was a mizture of a steaming tea kettle and the explosion that happened only moments ago, exept louder and more throaty. he gave me a horrible stare and began after me as i found strength in my now limp legs and began to run away, cradling my now bruised and swollen arm. it was bent at an odd angle, and i was sure it was broken. i soon felt the pain seep in again as i fell to the ground. i crawled, praying my legs would regain strength, but felt a hand at the back of my shirt, tugging me up. i screamed, but no sound came out, only abit of blood. i had lost my voice. he tugged at me, dragging out of the grass and onto the exposed road. i felt the panic, when i seen he was heading for the large white building. thats why we were driving slow, we were already here. i tried to break free of his hold, but his hand threatend to grab my arm, so i stopped struggling and let him take me. by suprise, he lifted me up, cradling me as we walked up to the already opened cement doors. the room was too bright for my eyes to adjust to quickly. i closed them, and when i opened them again, i seen the feint hint of one of the walls. it was black and white striped.i glanced to the floor to see it was the same. i opened my mouth to say something, but coughed and felt the blood trickle out of the corner of my now pale mouth. a tear came rolling down as i seen his face inch closer to mine and felt the wet sleekness of his greyish pink tongue lick away the fluid that now drizzled don to the edge of my chin. my skin ran cold and goosebumps covered as i tried to squim. i looked up, to see the face of my attacker, it was pale with moonshaped eyes that held bright red coloring, a head full of slightly wild back hair thats ends came down in smooth spikes. his shirt was long sleeve black, his jeans faded and baggy. his feet held no shoes, as i could look over my arm and see pale toes poking out at the pants bottoms."What do..what do you want?" i thought up to him, my voice gone. i wanted an answer, i wanted freedom, i wanted to go home most of all. i wanted to be sitting on my bed, ania at our vanity mirror, as we discussed our days at school, our different hilarious stories that made eachothers day,then our dad walking in telling us something even funnier. our mom making dinner, us all watching funny movies, enjoying our time together. i blinked my eyes, the room not so bright anymore. his arms held me gently and for a split second, i forgot who it was that was holding me. i prayed it was Near, Matt, or even Mello. anyone but the man who it really was. i lifted my head, when my mouth was met with a wet cloth, the sweet smell of chloriphorm draining ym muscles and making me sleepy. my head flopped back down and my arms dangled over his. my eyes closed and i was knocked out.


	9. Vermillion

If you paid attention, you would have caught that i put chapter eight in my introduction last time, instead of seven xD i feel like a complete fail xD

I awoke in a cold room, my wrists connected to shackles that connected to a thin,but strong steely string that allowed me to move all around the room. my hair fell over my face as i breathed raggedly, my throat in serious pain. my skin was dirty, covered in soot from the fire last night. i was sitting against a dirty gray wall that was covered in some kind of maroon ink splashes. i rubbed my head, my fingers getting caught in the knots in my dreadlock like blonde hair._ wait. Blonde?_ I grabbed my hair and tugged gently, studying the now light yellow locks that resigned on my scalp. i stood up and looked down to see i was wearing a slightly baggy dirty cream dress with ripped thin ruffles at the bottom. my feet were bare and covered in dirt and my ankles were also shackled the same weird way. i walked roboticly around the room, for swift motions made the metal around my wrists and ankles chafe. the window was painted over,making it look like night and the door was closed and locked. i cleared my throat, trying to numb the pain and say a few words, but they came out as illiterate muffles. just like in the bathroom. the room was broken down, like i was in the upstairs bedroom of a small girl who lived here years and years ago. a dusty broken bed, that seemed untouched and covered in soot lay infront of me, a dresser that was slowly eaten away by termites then left to rot next to it. a rusty looking baby bed was at the otherside of the room, a dirty blanket over it. i reached in and pulled out a dingy ripped teddy bear whos light gray face held something else besides one eye, a falling off nose and a stringy frown. Blood. i dropped the bear, backing away jerkingly. the doll came next. a small little china doll with bright grey eyes, white hair and a white dress layed on the bed. the smell of mothballs and salt on the doll. her face also held the red that i feared to look at. i stared horrified at the wall to see it wasnt ink, but blood. where the fuck was i? i noticed everything was covered with blood, especially the bed and silver head board. i ran to the door and began to bang on it. my fists began to sting and swell but i didnt care. i kicked,banged and scratched on the door, my fingernails chipping off painfully.i opened my mouth and ignored the pain i felt when i screamed,"Please let me out!" over and over again. my voice was gruff and deep. i hardly recognized as i had given up my last shred of hope, the door clicked slighty open. i rushed through, my shackles clicking off, landing me on my knees with a throbbing thud. i was in the striped room again, the air slightly warmer than the blood dungeon. i crawled a few feet and curled up in a tight ball, waiting to be struck or hit or jabbed, anything painful and terrifying, but nothing came. i wanted to hold something, to busy myself. it was something that calmed me. instead, i sang.

"Alone she sleeps in the shirt of my three wishes clutched in her hand. the first that she be spared the pain, that comes from a dark and laughing rain. when she finds love, may it always stay true. this i beg for the second wish i made too. but wish no more. my life you can take. to have her please just one day wake. to have her please...to have her please just one day wake. to have her please just one day wake." gaetas lament seemed perfect for my predicament, so i sang it over and over again till my heart slowed and my hope sank lower than before. i rolled over, to be facing eye to eye with bright red pupils and a lonely saddened face. screaming seemed wrong, so i stayed quiet although my pulse screamed like crazy. he layed next to me, his eyes in focus with mine, and i felt his pulse pound on my own skin. suddenly calm, i pressed my face closer, our lips only centimeters away. i didnt want a relationship me and mello had that one night, i didnt want a relationship at all with this guy. but at the same time i did. i wanted his everything, and nothing at all. my face held confusion and he backed away slightly, as if giving me thinking room. i stared at him warily, uncertain of his motives. his arm reached behind his back and he handed me something black. it was a black card. i opened it, to see nothing written in it. he handed me a silver sharpie from inside his pocket, stood up, leaving the room. the door closed with a shink and i was alone once again. two sides of the card. i opened it, and uncapping the smelly marker, on one side i wrote, 'Why is that room all bloody?' and on the other, i wrote what i wanted to know since the day of the bathroom incident.

"Who are you?"


	10. Please dont touch me

Ive been writing every day and night and im almost done(: well not ALMOST but well...you get it xD

Every day being here, this man seemed not interested in pain, but in gentility. I wondered why today was so horribly different

I cried out as he struck my face. I didnt know how the argument started, i dont even remember talking. But now i layed face down, crying over a whip to the jaw. did it matter that i was already emotionally broken just being here, but now even more physically drained? i didnt waste my energy with trying to plead, just sitting there and crying as he beat my stomache with a bare foot was my strategy now. why try when you already know that horrid outcome? soon the blows stopped and he looked down at me with a new look. Lust. his eyes scanned my body, pleased with what it drank in. i gulped, giving out a sliver of fear. thats all he needed. he lifted me up, throwing my now thin frame over his shoulder and dragging me to the bloody dungeon. this room made me less nervous over the days of being here, but the vibe was still frightening. he threw me on the bed, my temple connecting with the head board. i winced as the pain rushed to my forehead. his hands rubbing up and down my dress covered chest, ordering to take off my clothes. i didnt move and his palm met my cheek with a loud clap. the stinging reacted faster than my mind did and i could feel myself becoming dumber with every knock to the head i recieved."Take it off!" he yelled, grabbing the collar of my clothes."Please dont touch me." i whipsered silently, pulling back abit as his arm went up my dress, his hand cold and nerve-racking."what was that? touch you?" he smiled and lifted my dress over my head, leaving me exposed in a black bra and underwear."Okay." his voice was . i had to do something. i scanned the room for something,anything to use. i seen the the glass doll next to the bed, but i knew it wouldnt work. a doll wouldnt kill the beast that lay infront of me. he eyes me and whispered in my ear,"Dont worry, it wont hurt, i promise." my eyes squeezed shut and i realized i had to let it happen. as he forced himself inside me, everything felt unreal. the pain was worse than anything but my spranged and branded was a tie, but for this pain, i didnt shout, but swallow my screams."I-thought-you-said-it-wouldnt-hurt." i said between every agonizing in and out. "I had my fingers crossed." he said in that oops! kind of tone. "youre so tight! its hard to believe mellos your first!" he said between pants of pleasures and pants of pain. but then my eyes widened."what?" i asked looking at his cheek,but not his eyes. i wouldnt dare look into his eyes. "Oh i know. mello was your first,but i wanted it to be me. i wanted those screams to be for me, not that chocohaulic." he forced into me harder, causing a moan of pain to escape my lips. he smiled, thinking it was pleasure. he forced harder and he moaned my name while i moaned for him to stop. he slowly pushed in and out, teasingly to him but excruciationg to me."Just say it once, just scream it once." he begged me, pushing at normal speed. i could feel blood rush slowly down my legs. but the liquid wasnt red but a clear whitish tone.i shook my head no, him not knowing my predicament."Just once, and ill stop!" he screamed in my face. "I cant!" i said between clenched teeth. "Why not?" he spit back. "Because i dont know your name!" i looked in his eyes now, and they held a smile. he leaned in and crushed his lips to mine tenderly, more gravity being behind the force than anything."Its BB." he sang into my mouth, his tongue licking and darting, playing with mine. he thrust harder than ever and i let out a screetched moan. "BB..." i whipered. "louder." he whispered too, forcing me up,onto his lap as he bounced me up and down, in and out. it started to feel slighty...good. i ignored that and said louder,"BB." he started to sit up, forcing me up with him. this position felt better, and a small smile came to my lips. "BB." i said stronger. "louder." his tone matched mine, a mixture of 'more and more!' we stood up on the floor and he forced in and out of me as rough as he thought of and now, my pleasures were being jabbed and poked with his stick. "BB!" I screamed to the ceiling. he sped up, yanking some of my hair and i loved very bit of it. my clint getting wetter and wetter as he thrust in and out. soon the feel of his absence made me feel cold. he spun me around and pushed me on the bed. i thought he was gunna leave me there to look vulnerable and stupid, but instead pulled my legs closer to the edge and crouched on the ground, his face at my vagina. he kissed my stomache, slowly heading down back, when i felt something smooth enter me once again. i clutched the sheets, biting my lip and moaning as his index finger slid in and out of me. "mmmmmre" i murmured and felt the pushing of another finger and another finger. soon he was rubbing and licking, my mind in a blast of colors, my eyes seeing stars. i felt as if my mind was in a tunnel and soon found the bliss of light. soon we both just lay there, panting, waiting for someone to say something, anything. the first thing that popped up in my head was a line from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. "Say, does anyone know how to madison?" my mouth blurted. BB looked at me strangely,wondering what that was supposed to mean. dammit brad. dammit,janet! the lyric sang in my head making me stifle a small giggle. he gave a strange sigh and sat up, throwing my dress at me and said "ill be back, you can go back in the other room if you want." before he could leave, i caught his arm and stared into his eyes. "what?" i gulped and said,"why am i here?" he closed his eyes and stared straight into my eyes and said, "Because, this is your home."

"And a wife deserves to be with her husband."


	11. Build god, then well talk

Ch elevennnn(: im dedicating this chapter to my friend whos always wanted a wedding to happen this wayy:P freakin weirdo! xD

I studied my face in the mirror he brought me, neither of us discussing the whole sex thing that happened only a few days ago. and between those few days, he seemed busy. my face held a grainy charm,as if i had a million freckles everywhere. my face seemed different. the face i seen in the mirror had golden locks running over the empty hazel eyes. the million freckles were ugly, the lips, scowling and pale. its cheeks were hollow. he stood behind me, handing me a towel and a razor."Take a quick shower. ill leave your special outfit on the bed. please dont get it the big day." the big day? special outfit? i mumbled these words under my breath as he led me to a metal bathroom and metal shower filled with shampoos, conditioners, perfumes, shaving cremes, hair gels, ect. after showering and shaving, washing away all the dirt and ringing the tub, i got out and looked in the medicine cabnet mirror. my face was clean and freckle free with barely alive eyes and vibrant blonde hair. i walked into the bedroom and seen the "special outfit." it was a long strapless white ballgown, black and white striped high heels, white lace fingerless gloves, a white carnivol hat headband, and a long star pendant necklace. i slipped the outfit on, and began to walk back to the striped corridoor, to see a yellow sticky note on the door. it was from BB(duh!) saying to pin up my hair and throw some makeup on, i had to "look special." i pinned up my hair,and carefully placed on mascara,eyeliner,and pink lipstick. the deep shade of pink made me think of matts red hair. my heart hurt thinking of him, for i really liked him,and my dress reminded me of near. a few tears slid from my eyes but brushed them away quickly. soon the sobs followed and i fell against the wall and held back screaming cries of held in pain. i cried for my much missed friends, for my freedom, for my heart, for my physical pain, but mostly for my family. i missed them, and now i considered near,matt, L,Watari, and (even) mello my new family that had suddenly been snatched from me. after redoing my makeup, i stepped into the striped to see a waiting BB, wearing a black suit and top hat, on one knee with a golden ring squished between two fingers.

_Cause when im with him, i am thinking of you! thinking of you! and what you would do if, you were the one who was spending the night, oh i wish that i,was looking into your eyes..._

I knew this wasnt fate, but a cruel twist of sick irony. I told my father a million times i would marry an asian, and well, look where it got me. he placed the ring on my finger, and at that moment, i could feel the bond between us. i hated it. the meer thought of it made me sick to my stomache, but it also lured me."I, Beyond Birthday, take you, Amarah to be my lawfully wedded wife, for better and for worse, till death do us part." i dronelessly repeated, my mind numb. he seemed pleased and continued his rolled down my face as he pulled me into him for a wedding embrace. obnoxiously, he said,"And if you object, speak now, or forever hold your peace." after a few moments of silence he pulled my lips to his and said," i now pronounce you man and wi-" the words stopped and he was no longer holding me, but ontop of me, red eyes wide, and clutching his stomache. we fell clumsily to the floor, and as i pushed him off next to me, i seen the bright vibrance of blood,his blood, staining the white of the dress. i screamed and looked around to see a raven haired hero standing above me. he grabbed the bleeding boy next to me by his collar and shoved him against the wall. "Hes hurt!" i screamed pointing to his stomache which still oozed blood. he waved off my remark and continued his silent beatings. BB held his bloody hands to his mouth and licked seductively, starring at me. i stared back, a sad smile on my face. He just wanted someone to love,and that happened to be me. i walked up to L and placed my hand on the one that held BB to the wall. "." he stared at me in shock and slowly let him out of the hold. a sudden flash of glinting silver and BB held a knife to my throat."Shes not going with you." BB blurted, his voice angry. my heart beat skipped. _no. BB,no!_ he lowered the knife abit."And why is that?" L asked, his hands slightly raised. "because, the only place shes going is to hell, with me."

my eyes widened, a sharp excrutiating pain entering my stomache. _oh BB, no..._ my eyes went blurry from pain and i looked down, to see the the feint smudges of my blood running coldly through my pale thin fingers. i blinked,and fell to my knees, my chin covered in a mouthful of red, splattering the floor. i became top heavy, my brain pulsing so heavy i thought it would explode and i fell to the floor."Amarah!" L screamed, running for me. i curled into a ball and whisper sang to him,"To have her please just one day wake. to have her please just one day wake." the lyrics to gaetas lament from battlestar gelactica. he seemed to understand, and held my hand, my skin growing cold."Tell matt, i love him...tell mello,i care for him...tell Watari i thank him...words cant describe my gratefulness to you," i said, cupping his face with my bloody palm, smearing his skin with deep red."And tell near,hes always been my best friend." then moments after that, i fell into a world that held nothing but black.


	12. Vampire Bride

Ch.12(: i hope you enjoy this chapter as i enjoyed writing it(: listening to "Vampire Bride" by FreddeGredde helps get the feel of this chapter alot better then reading it with silence or some "upbeat" song(: just sayin(: xD ( aslo to note, BB isnt a vampire, just feels like one for insatiable thirst for human blood. and strawberry jamxD he is that way from the lonliness and rejection to others hes always felt.)

While trapped in my black abyss, i looked ahead to see a single light. it flickered, sparks of gold jumping at my face, some landing although i could only feel them land, and not the heat i dared hope for. the light deemed be a single flame, until also came to view, a grand ballroom. it was filled with sparking black,red, and grey candles, illuminating the red and black swirled dance floor and a soft black baby grand piano. coming down the sparkling yellow grand staircase was no other than BB,in his suit, and on his arm,me! i watched myself stare lovingly into his eyes, and as soon as our feet hit the floor, glided across, perfectly in tune with the other."I wish to be yours forever." BB said to me, my mouth smiling. "You are," i said, my hand revealing a gold ring,the ring he proposed to me with, on my left hand wedding ring finger. strands of gold falling into my eyes. he leaned in and i watched as he kissed me. this was after the wedding! my heart seemed to throb dully at the sight of me and him. i seen us slowly come to a sway and hold each other tightly, not wanting to let go. he scooped my other self up into his strong arms and i giggled as he took me through a side room, were i guessed we planned to concieve the marriage. soon the room seemed to swish to the left as the candles flames flickered and died, and a large puff of silver smoke danced deadly infront of my eyes.

a loud pulse came to my ears, like a beep from a cell phone. my eyes looked up, and a pool of light surrounded me. i closed my eyes and heard crying, yelling, and felt a sudden electric shock on my chest, sending a volt of pain through me."shes dead lining!" a woman screamed above me."Give me a higher voltage!" a man screamed back. i heard a buzzing and a shouted,"Clear!" before another pain went through my chest and i heard my pulse in my ears, pumping at rapid fire speed. "We got a pulse!" the womans voice yelled again. my eyes dared to squint open the tiniest bit, but quickly changed my mind. my stomache flooded with a gut wrenching pain, but no one said anything about bleeding, so i figured they had stopped it."We have her sedated, shes going to be waking up soon. the bleedings stopped and clotted, but there is a chance of more bleeding from a high blood pressure so please, keep her calm for a good month after leaving." a deep voice said to someone. i looked between my lashes to see a grey hospital room. i heard a beeping coming from next to me and guessed it was the heart monitor. i heard a whipsered,"yes, thank you, we will." and the door clicked shut. Near! id recognize that frail voice from a million miles away. my eyes snapped open and i seen not only Near, but Matt, Mello, Watari, and L standing or sitting around my bed."Near..." i strangley struggled to talk, seeing the wires,tubes, and monitors connected to me freaked me out. i started to whimper my protest when Near came to me and placed a cool hand over my hot one, saying simply,"Calm down." my whimpers quieted down and i layed there in silence as L told me what had happened after i had passed out from blood loss."He tried to take you away and say youre better off with him, that he could give you the world, but by doing that, he was just gunna jump off the building with you. he ran away before i could..." his voice grew flushed with intense anger, an anger i thought impossible for him. i cupped my hand in his and waited for his firery skin to cool to ice once more."Please, im fine." i watched as his body relaxed, but his eyes stayed the walked up to me and we instantly embraced. "Matt..." i choked and cried into his striped colored shirt. "Shh-shh-shh," he cooed, pulling me closer."Please, dont, dont c-cry." i felt my head get damp from sudden tears and his voice continued to sob softly. "Oh, god. im so sorry. i should have saved you, im so sorry..." he beat himself up with lashed and vile words. "Its not your fault, please, no.." i cried harder as he pulled me into a sweet and salty kiss. his warm lips against mine was enough to make my head spin into a frenzy of upbeat love songs and pen scribbled hearts. i sighed shakily and felt as hy heart skipped a few beats when he whispered, "I love you too."

I thought of ending it right here, but then i got an awesome cliff hanger! so hehehe one more chapter!:D


	13. Love youTo death

**Chapter thirteen and the final chapter): another story coming soon, so please keep a look out!:D this time with Near and Matt love storyy(; Read and Review!:D (oh, and listen to world wide by big time rush. it strangley fits.:P)**

It has been exactly one year since my kidnapping. i lay on matts chest in his dorm room at wammys and watch him beat the final level or whatever on some new war game called 'Call of Duty Black Ops'. hes spent about so far, three days playing and now he was barely going to finish it. the loud shots of bullets and people screaming didnt gross me out before i could land a kiss on his soft but smirked lips. a split second after the embrace, he screamed, "Take it all,BITCH!" loudly to the t.v. his door,being open, led the words down the hall to mellos room, where he must of thought something else, and screamed back,"Use protection!" i blushed as matt looked down at me and began to laugh and act as if he was unzipping his pants. i smacked his hand and before we could kiss again, a bored looking near trudged into the room and said watari needed his assistance. matt looked at me and shrugged, placing a kiss on my cheek and walking out the room with my albino. "Why?" matt asked and near simply replied," Im not sure, i got a letter from him saying he needed me you and mello to go to his office." the rest were in unaudible drabbles and i began to walk around the room and decided to just lay on the bed.

I layed there, letting the sun heat my face through dirty shaded windows, my eyes closed, before hearing the door close lightly. i smiled and figured it was matt, but when i heard the television switch off, my smile turned down abit."I thought you wanted to finish." i said, hands behind my rested head, eyes still closed. no reply. must be upset, i thought to myself. "Matt? you okay?" i asked, openeing my eyes abit. i heard a long scratch on the door and my eyes widened at a sudden jolt. a memory. the first scratching i heard on my bedroom door all those months ago. i sat up and looked at the door. my eyes scanned slowly and with much fear a very pale man with jet black crazy hair, pale skin, bagged eye sockets and wearing a black long-sleeve with baggy jeans. but my eyes couldnt help but stare at the pure red globes that barred into my soul. my mouth ran cold and dry, and my hands began to get hot and lacked moisture. i felt self concious and afraid for my life, but beautiful and missing him at the same time. "BB..." i said breathlessly. he smiled sadly and walked over to me, cupping my face softly with thin frosty fingers. i turned my face away as his lips pressed against my shivering cheek. his whole presence was cold and evil. i remembered where those lips wanted to be and i became angry. i backed up against the wall, making space between us.

I watched as he slowly walked around the room, taunting me with sudden poisones anger. "You switch me for a smoking gamer? i could have given you everything! a life, kids, a husband! but you choose a lazy gamer?" his voice grew loud and scary, every word making me flinch and flush from embarrassment. i felt ashamed for choosing matt? my eyes became stony and i stepped up to him. "Matt loves me! he gives me more than you! he doesnt kidnap me to a room covered in blood!" my voice shrilled with each letter and his face turned red."Hes a douche bag who cares more about which level hes at than the girl hes dating!" i snapped. "He isnt some freak that has to kidnap a girl to get noticed!" the sudden rush of heat to my cheek, the pain in my face and hip as i crashed to the ground, knocking over his lamp and bringing it down with me. i screamed my ludest and from the look he gave me, he could care less about me. i shot up and rushed for the door. looking back i screamed,"And you wouldnt be able to give me the one thing i want most. a normal relationship." and ran down the hallway swiftly. "Amarah?" he called, and for some strabge reason, i stopped and looked back."Ill love you, till death do us part." and suddenly, he was gone. i breathed and realized i was free. sweet freedom poured onto my tongue and made me smile from the sugary taste. "Matt! Near! Mello! Watari!" i screamed repeatedly till breathless down the halls at random. matt rushed me, checking to see if i was okay, besides the large red palm mark on my face. "Im fine! im free! were free!" i laughed and creamed as i hugged him. a loud breath escaped his lips as he pressed me close, holding the top of my head to his chest."Were free." he whispered into my now black locks. "Were finally free."

But somehow, id always know i was never truely let go. for everyday, id catch a glimpse of red globes starring at me, but before i could retaliate, theyd dissapear, and id be left to wonder.


End file.
